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Joke -a - Day

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Joey
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« Reply #160 on: February 08, 2015, 04:03:10 pm »

" Jesus Saves,  Moses Invests, but only Lord Buddha Pays Interest!"

Joey
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Joey Silver, collecting snuff bottles since Feb.1970

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« Reply #161 on: February 09, 2015, 12:54:15 am »

Dear Joey,
that of the supposed stolen umbrella is brilliant!!
Giovanni
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« Reply #162 on: February 09, 2015, 05:10:22 am »

Dear Giovanni,
    Thank you.
Best,
  Joey


Dear Joey,
that of the supposed stolen umbrella is brilliant!!
Giovanni

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Joey Silver, collecting snuff bottles since Feb.1970

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« Reply #163 on: February 19, 2015, 11:33:04 am »

   
       A Jewish man was sitting in Starbucks reading an Arab newspaper.  A friend of his, who happened to be in the same store, noticed this strange phenomenon.  Very upset, he approached him and said:  'Moshe, have you lost your mind?!  Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?'
                             
      Moshe replied, 'I used to read the Jewish newspapers, but what did I find?
      -  Jews being persecuted,
      -  Israel being attacked,
      -  Jews disappearing through assimilation and  intermarriage,
      -  Jews living in poverty;
 I got so depressed!
                             
       So I switched to the Arab newspaper.  Now what do I find?
       -  Jews own all the banks,
       -  Jews control the media,
       -  Jews are all rich and powerful,
       -  Jews rule the world.
 The news is so much better!'

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
Joey                             
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Joey Silver, collecting snuff bottles since Feb.1970

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« Reply #164 on: February 19, 2015, 08:41:26 pm »

Thanks Joey,

That made me laugh. A great joke to start the New Year with.

Tom
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Tom
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« Reply #165 on: February 20, 2015, 03:12:10 am »

Dear Tom,
   
    My pleasure! I'm on the computer, but have to go out again and shake  the snow off my lemon tree so it doesn't collapse. From 02:00am when I first shook it, I found 15 cm on it at 09:30am. I'm praying hard that it stops, but G-D Decides.

    The funny thing about the joke is, the Nazis wrote stuff in the 1930s and early 1940s like the Arabs write now, and their allies the Japanese took them seriously, and, in effect, said,"If the Jews are so powerful, why do you want to get them angry?!"   Grin

    Of course the fact that Jacob Schiff, a wealthy Jewish financier and very big Japanophile, had helped fund the Japanese side in the 1904 Russo-Japanese War, due to love of all things Japanese and hatred of the anti-Semitic Russians, didn't hurt.

    And the Japanese actually treated the Jewish refugees in China (primarily in Shanghai, Harbin and also in Hong Kong) the best of all the populations they subjugated in East Asia, and helped 50,000 Jews get to Kobe from Nazi-occupied Europe, and thus saved them from the mass murder which the Nazis perpetrated on over 6.8 million Jews in Europe and North Africa.

   Best,
   Shabbat Shalom,
     Joey
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« Reply #166 on: April 01, 2015, 09:26:56 am »

I just got a new one from Roger Moore:


Surely a sign of the times...

Abdullah heard that one of his wives was leaving him.

 He rushed home where he found her in front of the tent with her
belongings.

 He sat beside her and said, "I hear you are planning to leave
me."
She replied, "Yes! Your other wives told me you are a Pedophile!"
 
Abdullah thought for a moment and then said,
"That's a very big word for a 9 year old."

 Grin
Joey
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« Reply #167 on: April 01, 2015, 07:30:48 pm »

Hahahaha... Grin

Sorry to hear you have not been well. I'm sure you are better since you are cracking jokes again. All of us have been busy, hopefully someone can start posting more bottles.

Cheers,
YT
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« Reply #168 on: April 02, 2015, 06:04:58 am »

Thanks Joey....very good.  Cheesy

Tom
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« Reply #169 on: April 02, 2015, 07:28:36 am »

Thank you, YT. Now I am much better, and getting ready to host 30 for Passover Seder tomorrow.
Best to all for Passover/Easter/etc.
Joey


Hahahaha... Grin

Sorry to hear you have not been well. I'm sure you are better since you are cracking jokes again. All of us have been busy, hopefully someone can start posting more bottles.

Cheers,
YT
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« Reply #170 on: April 02, 2015, 07:29:24 am »

My pleasure, Tom.
Be Well,
Joey


Thanks Joey....very good.  Cheesy

Tom
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« Reply #171 on: April 25, 2015, 01:04:15 pm »

Last week on Gozo (part of Malta), my host Msgr. Joe  told me a joke I'd not heard before:
   A priest shows a rabbi around his church. First he shows a representation of G-D The Father, with only one eye (but all-seeing); then the Mater Dolorosa (Suffering Mother) with a dagger in her breast; then Jesus on the cross.
   He says, " This is The Holy Family!"
The rabbi replies, "What an unfortunate family they are!
Shabbat Shalom,
Joey
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« Reply #172 on: April 25, 2015, 01:19:41 pm »

My cousin just sent me a new joke:

    Pres. Shimon Peres of Israel (he just retired, and we have a new guy, Reubi Rivlin), received a box from the Hamas leadership of Gaza; after testing it for a bomb etc., they opened it up, to find -
human faeces ! 
    A month later, Peres sends a gift back to the Hamas leadership in Gaza. They open it gingerly, after checking for a bomb etc., and find the newest, best Israeli microchip, cutting edge tech at its best. With it is a small note:
   "Each leader sends the BEST his people can produce..."   Grin

Shabbat Shalom,
Joey
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« Reply #173 on: May 21, 2015, 03:58:56 am »

Little Jacob was sitting with his Grandpa who was explaining to him how he made his fortune.

Zeideh (Grandfather) Goldstein fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, Jacob, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."

"Wow!" said Jacob. "What happened next, Zeideh?"

"Then Bubbie's (Grandma's) father died and left us two million dollars."
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« Reply #174 on: August 15, 2015, 09:17:05 am »

Came across this recently ...

CATHOLIC COFFEE

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."  The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son happens to be the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter; slim, tall, 38D breasts, 24" waist, 34" hips. When she walks into a room people say...


"My God!!....
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« Reply #175 on: August 15, 2015, 09:57:37 am »

My God!!! Hahahaha
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« Reply #176 on: August 16, 2015, 09:02:09 am »

I had a similar joke:

   Four Catholic ladies in Italy were having expresso and cake.
   One lady says, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."  The second lady says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'." The third lady then says, "My son happens to be the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'.

  The fourth lady says,"My son is a gigolo, servicing men. He's 193 cm. (6 ft.4in.), 120 kg (264 lbs.) of rippling muscle, deep blue eyes, curly short blond hair, a dimple in his firm square chiseled granite jaw, and he could have posed for any of Michaelangelo's Ignudi in the Capela Sistina (Sistine Chapel)! He's had Bishops, Cardinals and even a Pope be with him and scream, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!".
   
   Joey
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« Reply #177 on: August 17, 2015, 12:30:33 am »

Nice one (both versions, in fact!)........
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Tom
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« Reply #178 on: August 19, 2015, 06:44:48 pm »

Dear Tom,

     You were correct the first time, actually. Same joke, slightly different nuances.
Best,
Joey
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Joey Silver, collecting snuff bottles since Feb.1970

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